DATING TIPS & HINTS
Ten Ways to Evolve, Part 1 & 2
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Jul-26-2002 By Rinatta Paries Over the past decade, I've worked with thousands of individuals seeking ways to improve their ability to attract their ideal mate. As a result, I've created a list of ten most commonly prescribed personal development steps I recommend for those wanting to attract and create their ideal relationship. I'll share the first five steps with you today. Read next week's newsletter for the next five steps. 1. Get complete with your past to break relationship patterns. When you no longer carry the "baggage" about your past relationships and your childhood, you are emotionally free to be in your ideal relationship. When you're emotionally free, you are better able to: * recognize partners who are incompatible with you before you get involved; * naturally attract more suitable partners; * stop trying to resolve issues from old relationships in your current one; * transform all of your relationships to be clear and satisfying. If you're ready to get complete with your past, take my free PatternTracker Quiz at http://www.whatittakes.com/Quiz2/patterntracker.html. The quiz will help you identify and understand your patterns, making it less likely that you'll repeat them in the future. 2. Ask for what you want in any relationship. It is a myth that people should know what you want. When you are able to ask for what you want, you become easier to be with, easier to delight, and therefore much more attractive. People see you as clear and straight-forward. To learn how to ask for want you want in your relationships, read my article, "Ask Right and You May Receive" http://www.whatittakes.com/Archive/Newsletter40to49/newsletter__42.shtml. 3. The more you want a relationship, have a laundry list, a timetable for when it should occur, the less likely you are to have it. The only way to attract a fulfilling relationship is to have a fulfilling life. You get to have a fulfilling life with or without a partner, while becoming naturally attractive. When you are attractive in this way, you no longer need to look for your ideal partner - you will automatically attract him or her. I challenge you to create a fulfilling life in every way. For ideas on how to enrich your life, read "Single and Happy" at http://www.whatittakes.com/Archive/Newsletter80to89/newsletter__85.shtml. 4. Don't try to change yourself to "fit" into a relationship. You will not be able to attract your ideal partner by knowing what men/women want in a relationship and trying to provide it. If you know what you want and what you can give in a relationship, you will connect with a partner who is a natural fit for you. Look deep within yourself to find out what you want in a relationship and what you can give. 5. Assess communication in your relationships. There are three questions to ask yourself regarding communication in a relationship, whether you are just dating someone, are in a new relationship or in an established one. 1) Can you talk to your partner honestly and openly about your feelings, needs and wants and can he or she hear you and respond? 2) Can the two of you make corrections in your relationship when necessary? 3) Do the two of you have more communication and problem-solving than drama? If your answer to these three is "yes," the two of you have the necessary beginning of building a wonderful relationship. If you are answer is no, you need to consider stepping up communication. A really good relationship, satisfying to both partners, always has excellent communication as one of its cornerstones. Browse my newsletter archives online for many articles on this topic: http://www.whatittakes.com/Archives. Part 2 1. Get complete with your past to break relationship patterns. 2. Ask for what you want in any relationship. 3. The more you want a relationship, have a laundry list, a timetable for when it should occur, the less likely you are to have it. 4. Don't try to change yourself to "fit" into a relationship. 5. Assess communication in your relationships. Here is the second half of my top ten most popular relationship recommendations: 6. One key to recognizing when you've made a poor choice in a partner is when the other person seems to adore you from the start. If a new relationship revolves around you, you need to know this is more about the other person's need to be connected to "someone" than it is about connecting with you personally. A relationship such as this will cool off within a short period of time. You will be left feeling the urge to chase the person to continue to get the same amount of attention. Take it very slow in the beginning of any relationship, even if your new partner is pushing to speed it up. Only relationships built slowly withstand the test of time. 7. Choose how to create a relationship. Relationship choices are based on our parents' or care-givers' relationships or lack thereof. If their relationship did not work well, we are stuck with their painful relationship patterns. The only way out is to clearly understand how their relationships influenced our relationship choices and behaviors. We need to consciously choose what works for us and what doesn't. Look at your parents' or care-givers' relationships to see how they parallel your relationship history. Then make a conscious choice about how you want to create your relationships, which beliefs and behaviors you want to leave behind and which you want to keep. You may need help doing this, as seeing one's own behavior can be pretty difficult. As a relationship coach, I can help you with this. For more on my services, see http://www.whatittakes.com/Coaching/coachingservices.html. 8. It does not matter how many or few available partners there are in your area. You don't need to attract many partners; just one -- the right one. Whether or not you are able to attract a partner depends on how well you have dealt with your beliefs about relationships. If you want to attract your ideal partner, look inside yourself and find out what you honestly believe about relationships and the opposite sex. Again, this may be difficult to do alone, and I am here to help as your relationship coach. 9. You must clearly know what you want in a relationship in order to create it. First, discover what kind of interaction you want to have with an intimate partner. What is most important to you? Then ask yourself what kind of a person would be suited to naturally engage in that kind of interaction. What kind of personality and lifestyle would a person need to have in order to naturally fit into your life? By answering these questions you can arrive at a clear description of your ideal partner, which makes it easier to attract him or her. This is yet another area in which having a relationship coach can be very useful. I can help you find clarity in whom you want to attract and where such a person may spend his or her time. 10. Here is a simple recipe for attracting your ideal partner: * Get complete with your past (see Step #1) * Create a list of your ideal partner qualities (see Step #9) * Ask yourself if you feel any other internal blocks preventing you from having a relationship. Clear them out of the way, by yourself or by getting help from me. Use these personal development steps to attract your ideal relationship. These are the only steps you need to take, and the only steps that consistently work for creating relationships - or anything else you may want. (c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Web Site:WhatItTakes.com |
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